Kyle the Meister
by Marioninja1
Summary: The infamous breaker of fourth walls, Kyle, takes a swing at living in Death City. There, he meets both Riley and Kylie, along with the rest of the Soul Eater cast. Story is probably better than the summary.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: This series does not have a set place within the Riley timeline, and you shouldn't try to find a place for this series, either. It'll drive you nuts! This series also has nothing to do with the previous Riley/Kyle crossover series which has been disowned by Marioninja1, who believes that you should disown it, too. Also, instead of Author's Notes, there will be portions of the story where I, Kyle Uchiha Meiki, the character who walks through the fourth wall like a ghost, will talk instead. Finally, there isn't any planned story yet. If there is one, though, it will probably get weirder as the series goes on. If you haven't noticed, that happens in these stories. It's just fanfiction, though, don't worry about it. -Kyle._

Riley and Kylie weren't often separated. Well, that's an understatement. A better Riley and Kylie were practically one person until they started dating, when they would leave the ten-foot area the other was in for only an hour or two. Then, they would return to their shared apartment. This was normal to them, though some would find this odd. Then again, this series has people who turn into weapons, so focusing on the lifestyles of two of the main characters shouldn't be your main concern.

Today, the two were separate, however, with Riley having to stay after-school to study with Maka. By study, we mean that they were actually studying, as Riley and Maka were actually studying, with no kissing involved. You see, Riley wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, something that he would readily admit to. So, he had to study with Maka, a very smart girl, to avoid failing. Riley hoped that he wouldn't fail, mainly because he had no idea about what happened to those who failed a school for Weapons and Meisters.

So, coming home, Riley walked in on Kylie petting a blue cat. That cat had two tails, a black collar and a golden ring in one ear. Taking in all of these details, Riley was understandably confused. He reacted well, however, only raising an eyebrow and asking "Uh, Kylie, that cat has two tails..."

"Yep!" Kylie exclaimed. Kylie was rather small and blonde. She was a genius in her young age, and was almost guaranteed to grow up and be a genius. But, at that moment, she actually seemed to act her age, petting the cat and "D'awwwing!" as it purred.

"How can that cat be blue?" Riley asked. Riley, unlike Kylie, was a huge teenager with brown hair and green eyes.

"Cat's hair colors can be all sorts of colors, just like people's hair. I mean, haven't you met Blair?" Kylie asked.

Riley grew more confused. It wasn't that he was stupid, it was because he had, in fact, never met Blair. "Uh... Who is Blair, Kylie?"

"This cat-monster-person that lives with Maka and Soul. Haven't you ever seen- _D'AWWW! Who's a cute kitty! You is! You is!_" Kylie squealed, scratching behind the cat's ears. The cat purred contentedly.

"Wait, she's a cat-_person_?" Riley asked, then "I've been over to Maka's before, and I haven't seen a cat girl?"

"Not cat-girl, cat-person. She can turn into a cat, just like Kyle here can." Kylie said, pointing to the cat, which was looking directly at Riley.

_See, here comes me, the character you may choose as your favorite! -Kyle._

"Wait, you've got a cat that can turn into a boy _and I wasn't here to supervise you_?" Riley asked. You see, Riley was the father-figure to Kylie, with both of their fathers not being around: Riley's father attempted homicide-suicide, only succeeding in killing himself and scarring Riley, while Kylie's father is still in Italy after being denied citizenship in the U.S.

"Don't get sore about it, Rye." Kyle the cat said. "I'm really trustworthy."

_Yay! Alliteration! -Kyle._

"Don't call me Rye." Riley said, then "Could you turn human... Unless you'll be naked. If you do turn naked, just keep being a cat."

There was a poof of smoke, then a teenage boy with shoulder-length, light-brown hair and blue eyes was standing between Kylie and Riley. He wore black jeans, a black collar around his neck, and a white shirt that was sloppily tucked into his pants. Riley was struck by how thin his arms and legs were while he looked up and down him. But then, on top of his head, Riley saw two brown cat ears, one with a golden earring. Riley's eyes were immediately drawn to Kyle's ears, and Riley found it hard to not stare at them.

'Out of all of my years,' Riley thought, trying not to stare at Kyle's ears, 'how did I not know that people with cat ears existed out of anime?'

"Shouldn't you have blue hair? I mean, Blair has purple fur _and_ purple hair." Kylie said. Kyle just shrugged the question off.

"I don't gotta have blue hair, do I?" Kyle asked. For those of you who have spent time on TV Tropes and get this joke, you may pat yourself on your back. Kyle certainly was, with his cat-like smile. "Anyway, here I am. Any questions you have, shoot. Just don't be like Sakura and ask too many questions."

_Ah, references you get if you read my first series. -Kyle._

Riley tried thinking of questions, then one finally hit him. "How do you transform?"

"I don't know. I mean, it's like magnets: how do they work?" Kyle asked.

Kylie took a deep breath. "The magnetic field of a magnet is actually generated by the alignment of electrons within the atomic structure of the magnetic material. All objects contain atoms, and these atoms contain electrons that move around in orbits with a certain spin. The movement of any electron in this manner creates a tiny magnetic field. However, most electrons in atoms exist in pairs. The two electrons in a pair always spin in opposite directions, with the result that the magnetic fields cancel each other out, and no magnetic field is created from the object itself."

At this point, Riley began thinking of other subjects, such as how much cleaning he would have to do. Riley almost always did the cleaning, due to his ability to reach higher places to dust. That, and Kylie was a much better cook, with the two having a deal: Riley would clean and Kylie would cook.

"Atoms of magnetic materials, on the other hand, contain unpaired electrons with the same spin that aren't canceled out. If a material has enough unpaired electrons with the same spin-such as the four unpaired electrons in an atom of Fe (iron)-and doesn't contain any unpaired electrons with opposite spin, the net movement of electrons in one direction will create a magnetic field." Kylie finished, still looking like an adorable little girl.

_If you read through that, good for you, you now know how magnets work. If you didn't, and you just copy and pasted this off of an internet site (eHow), then you may be the writer of this fanfiction. -Kyle._

Kyle looked at Kylie, amazed, then said "I didn't get any of that, so I'm just going to simplify it for myself: magnets work because that's just the way it is."

Kylie frowned until Kyle leaned down and said "You can pet my cat ears. Feel 'em: they're real soft." Kylie gingerly rubbed them, then became enamored with them. Riley watched on, confused, until Kyle decided to explain.

"Cuteness proximity, Rye." Kyle said. "Unlike Kylie, who gave us a long and boring lecture on how magnets work, I'll give you the abridged version: 'As you approach a cute thing, your intelligence and sanity drops off proportionally.' That's straight from TV Tropes, too: check it out if you don't believe me."

"I'll believe you." Riley said, then remembered that he was supposed to be asking questions. "Why are you here, anyways?"'

"Weeeelllllll..." Kyle said, tapping a finger on his chin and thinking. "Kylie took me home after she saw me, even saying that 'I'm Taking You Home With Me!' thing, and I followed. Well, not _followed_, she picked me up, after all."

"Wait, she picked you up?"

"In cat form, mind you."

"No, that's not what I mean. Shouldn't you weigh more than a normal cat, since you can also turn into a human? Where does that excess weight go when you turn into a cat?" Riley asked. This was one of the moments where his potential truly showed.

"Dude, people turn into swords 'n stuff around here. Don't worry about a person that can turn into a cat and vice-versa." Kyle said, shrugging the question off.

"That just makes me wonder about our world _more_. How can Weapons turn into Weapons? What happens if a Weapon is broken? Do they heal while their human form is alright, or do they die? How do they turn metal-" Riley began, only for Kyle to cut him off.

"Don't raise those questions! The readers will be too busy wondering about all that stuff to read the story!" Kyle exclaimed, even shocking Kylie from her ear-rubbing, meditation-like state. Kyle, noticing this, said "Look, I can make my extremely soft ears twitch." Kyle indeed made his ears twitch, and Kylie began watching his ears twitch for a moment, then began rubbing them again.

"You could use those ears as a weapon. Just get the leader of whoever you're fighting to start rubbing your ears." Riley muttered.

"Yep!" Kyle smiled, looking very cat-like for a human. Well, human-cat-thing. Don't get too obsessed with it, or you'll just get a headache.

"Anyways," Riley said, getting back on topic. "Why are you still here?"

"Well, I know how much you hate cleaning, so I was hoping I could become a live-in maid." Kyle said, still smiling, though his smile had become a hopeful Cheshire Cat grin.

"You know, that grin is more menacing than begging." Riley said, and Kyle returned to his normal cat-like expression.

"Sorry," Kyle said, scratching the back of his neck. "I'm not used to begging."

"Then why are you begging now?"

"Would you believe it was for the plot?"

"Huh?"

"Uh, I mean," Kyle stammered, thinking of an excuse that didn't break the fourth wall more than necessary. "To get off the cold, rainy streets."

"We live in Death City. Which is in the scorching Nevada desert. Do you really think that we would get rain here?" Riley asked, crossing his arms.

"Do you want a maid or not?" Kyle asked.

"Can we keep him? Please?" Kylie asked, using full-on puppy-dog eyes. Riley, remembering the times when Kylie used the puppy-dog eyes when the two hadn't discovered their Meister-Weapon potential, caved.

"Alright. But, we need to set a few house rules." Riley said, sitting down beside Kyle on the couch.

Kyle immediately draped an arm over both Kylie and Riley, then exclaimed "This is gonna be so much fun! Man, when Marioninja gets bored with surfing the internet, some pretty cool things happen, eh?"

"What?" Both Riley and Kylie asked.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Kyle began his job as a maid to the McConnelly Clan.

_Is that their last names? Man, that's about as normal as Soul's last name. Oh, wait, I haven't met him yet! Just forget what I said! -Kyle._

_Anyways_, Kyle started the day by making both Riley and Kylie breakfast and lunch for the day, then saying goodbye to them. Maka, who saw him, raised an eyebrow and Riley said "It's a long story."

"We've got time." Maka said, interested in knowing why a cat-eared boy was living with Riley and Kyle. From her experiences with Blair, it seemed that Maka has a slight disdain for those with cat-ears.

Riley explained the whole story in detail, leaving out the large explanation of how magnets worked that Kylie gave. Kylie almost began explaining again, only for Soul to coolly sweep in, grabbing her hand and high-fiving Riley.

'I owe you one,' Riley mouthed. Soul just smiled, revealing his impossibly sharp teeth.

Riley finished the story, and Maka just smiled. "You really _are_ a nice guy."

"Big softie." Soul's crooked smile appeared.

"I can't help it." Riley shrugged.

"Aw, that's why I love you," Maka smiled. She leaned up and kissed Riley on the cheek, making him blush.

_That reminds me, I need to get a girlfriend that can beat me up and has a skirt. As Spike Spiegel said, I love the kind of woman that can kick my ass. And I love skirts. -Kyle._

Back at the house, Kyle read the grocery list, raising his eyebrow at the contents. "We're in America, right? Why do these guys need so much rice." Kyle snapped his fingers, the answer to his question hitting him. "Because rice is awesome, that's right!"

Kyle, deciding to do the shopping early, grabbed the money that had been left for such expenses and put his hand on the door handle... Only to remember his ears. "Don't want a crowd of women running after me, begging to pet my ears again. Nearly killed me last time," Kyle muttered.

Kyle began rummaging through the house, carefully replacing and straightening things as he moved, his reasoning being that he would only have to fix it later if he left it messy now. Kyle eventually found a black hat with an orange pumpkin on it and, after slipping it off, he thought 'Why would these guys have a hat like this? I mean, it matches my outfit and everything.' Then, Kyle thought 'Hope Riley doesn't have lice.'

Kyle finally left the apartment, humming a tune while he walked down the hallway. He reached the end of the hallway when, suddenly, he felt, in short, a large pair of breasts on his back. Kyle paused, blushing slightly, and he felt both his heart beat faster and her calm heartbeat.

"Now, who might you be, cutie?❤" Blair asked, wrapping her arms around Kyle's waist and pulling him closer. Kyle briefly wondered how she had said a heart symbol, then got focused.

"I-I'm Kyle." Kyle said.

"Just Kyle? No last name?"

"Sorry, no last name."

"I like your hat, Kyle. Can I see it?" Blair asked and, before Kyle could refuse, she quickly took it off. Blair stared at his ears for a second, then squealed in delight and began rubbing them.

"Even people like me are obsessed with my ears." Kyle groaned.

After several minutes of rubbing, and several more moments of Kyle convincing Blair to stop rubbing his ears and give him his hat back, Kyle and Blair began to talk. Blair had a small pout on her face that Kyle found extremely attractive, but he still tried, thinking 'Don't be distracted by the sexy, don't be distracted by the sexy...' over and over.

"You know, I haven't seen you around town. You new here, sweetie?" Blair asked, changing her expression to a small, flirty smile. She began playing with her hair that was, indeed, purple.

_It might just be a stylized black. Hey, just sayin'. -Kyle._

"Yeah. Just got here recently." Kyle said and, to avoid seeming like a freak to what was possibly the sexiest woman in town (or earth), he thought 'About the same time as Marioninja decided to write this.'

"Ooh! Am I the first girl to see you here?" Blair asked.

'Say yes, say yes, don't tell the truth you freakin' idiot, say yes, say yes, don't disappoint the sexiest, bustiest girl on the face of the earth, say yes, say yes-' Kyle thought.

"Uh, no. Sorry." Kyle said, apologizing mostly to himself, not to Blair.

'I hate you. I hate you so much right now. I'm going to torture you with pictures of handsome guys for the rest of your frickin' life because you couldn't say one lie to the hottest female ever.' Kyle angrily thought.

"Awww." Blair said, pouting again. "Am I at least the first girl to touch your ears?"

'This is your redemption, damn it. If you mess this up, I'll have you walk in your sleep and chop your arm off. It'll be the one you write with, too!'

"Yep." Kyle smiled. Inside of his head, Kyle imagined his conscience weakly crying out 'Why did you lie? Good relationships are built on the truth!'

'Shut up,' Kyle thought.

_I sure hope that's the devil on my shoulder. That, or I'm secretly a bad person with a very powerful conscience. -Kyle._

"Yay!❤" Blair hopped a little in the air for joy. The proceeding jiggle made Kyle nearly get a nosebleed. But, having very good control over his body, Kyle kept himself from gaining a nosebleed. Just barely, however.

"I, uh, gotta go do... Stuff." Kyle said, his vocabulary taking a sudden dip. Then, he began walking down the stairs of the apartment building, hoping to avoid Blair until his heart stopped racing or he had taken a cold shower. Then, Blair slid down the rail, stopping beside Kyle. There was a cat-like smile on Blair's face as she got off of the rail and began walking beside Kyle.

"Can I do some stuff with you?" Blair asked.

'Was that meant to sound like an innocent double-entendre, or does she have any idea how sexy she is.' Kyle wondered. Blair hugged him again, but from the side this time, completely wrapping Kyle's arm in her cleavage. 'She definitely knows how sexy she is. Because, if she didn't know how sexy she was, she'd be too dumb to live.'

"Yeah." Kyle said, focusing again.

'Why can't I just lean back and enjoy the sexy?' Kyle wondered as Blair played with his collar.

They were an odd sight to see, surely. The incredibly sexy Blair, holding onto a teenage boy that almost no one had seen before. Many men (and a woman or two) began silently talking about the two. Kyle, who was able to hear them all, frowned. As Kyle went on about his business, the whispering grew, with even more people talking about him. Kyle kept ignoring them, however, though Blair noticed that his mood had soured.

"Aww, sweetie, don't feel bad." Blair said, running a finger across his chin.

"Alright." Kyle said, smiling faintly. The two walked forward, only to suddenly stop when they bumped into a short, green-haired girl. "Oh, sorry about that."

The little girl looked up at Kyle, then at Blair, and began growling. In an instant, her clenched fist turned into the round head of a mace. Kyle only had time to utter "What?" before she swung her fist, hitting him directly in the mouth. Blair dodged the blow, letting go of Kyle, which was lucky for her: Kyle flew several feet away, hitting the cobblestone street. Kyle writhed in pain as the little girl slowly walked over to him, pushing through the crowd of people that had gathered around to look at Kyle.

"What are you doing with this floozy!" The little girl shouted.

"Little girls shouldn't use words like that." Blair said. The little girl swung her mace/fist/thing at Blair, who turned into a cat and ran away.

"Frickin' new a hot girl wouldn't stick around me." Kyle muttered, standing up and picking his hat back up. "What's wrong with you, little girl?"

The little girl clenched her teeth, then turned the arm that the mace was connected to into a chain. The mace hit the ground, cracking the cobblestone. Kyle gulped. "I'M FIFTEEN!" The girl swung her flail appendage, hitting Kyle in the stomach. The crowd parted as Kyle flew even farther back, then slammed into the ground, leaving a small trail from where he had smashed through the concrete.

"M-My spleen." Kyle groaned. The little girl tried pulling her flail appendage back, but Kyle grabbed on and pulled, saying "You shouldn't attack people!" The girl flew through the air, and Kyle caught her as she passed him. "Especially not _me_!"

"You said you were gonna marry me!" The girl exclaimed, and Kyle paused.

"Huh?"

"Gotcha!" The girl's flail-fist flew forward, clocking Kyle right in the jaw. Kyle flew backwards, slamming into- and through! -a wall.

_"Flail-fist flew forward"? Alliteration FTW! -Kyle._

"This sucks." Kyle muttered, standing up. He looked around, smiling when he noticed that he was in the market he had been heading to. The girl walked through the sizable hole in the wall and Kyle waved bye, a cat-like smile on his face. The girl pulled her flail-fist back, ready to hit Kyle again... When a poof of smoke appeared and Kyle disappeared. The girl didn't notice a two-tailed, blue cat running into the Asian food portion of the market.

_She didn't notice a blue, two-tailed cat? Must be blind. -Kyle._

While Kyle got his groceries in his cat form (which isn't easy, mind you) the girl hung around, eventually leaving after giving a large amount of money to the manager so that he could fix the wall she broke. When she left, Kyle turned human and walked out, a cart full of groceries. His shirt was ripped and covered in dirt, and his face was bruised and had small lines of dried blood from the side of his mouth.

"Are you okay?" The cashier asked.

Kyle only smiled, his smile definitely more cat than human, and said "Just dandy, now that I'm not being beaten up by a fifteen year-old."

"She was fifteen? I thought she was a little-"

Kyle, as if he were in a frenzy, put a hand over her mouth. "DON'T SAY LITTLE GIRL! If you do, she'll come back and hurt me!"

"You're really afraid of her, aren't you?" The cashier asked once Kyle had removed his hands.

Kyle frowned and nodded.


End file.
